Myself and a buddy of mine took part in the annual 5K Sausage Run/Walk on Saturday morning that was held at Miller Park. We had been planning this day for several months now.
But, we did not do it the conventional way. We were on a mission, and that mission was not to finish the race as quick as we could, let's put it like that! Below is a picture of just exactly our mission was! Make sure to take note of what is next to the cooler....
After mixing our "racing beverages and refreshments", we headed to the park to register, arriving around 8 in the morning. Once that was finished, it was only 8:15 AM, so we had 45 more minutes until the race began. Can you guess what we did? We relaxed in the Topaz (sorry buddy, it had to go sometime!) and took down our first mixer. By race time, we both were three sheets to the wind! We easily had knocked off a half liter of Jack Daniel's by the time Daron Sutton fired off his gun eighteen times to start the race.
Once the race began, we began taking down our second and final beverage. We started out strong with a brisk pace....walking, that is! You obviously don't have to imagine what our drinking pace was! Everything was going fine up until we got to make our way through Miller Park itself.
It should also be noted that we were probably the only two people in the race to use one of these, right before we went through the park:
After losing some precious seconds to handle our business, we still had a very sizeable lead on many of the walkers. We then decided to take advantage of the situation and take an absolute ton of pictures down on the infield warning track and the dugout. Many others felt obligated to do the same. But, next thing you know, we were dead last and being forced out of the stadium!!
I also had to make sure that I stepped on the grass inside the stadium as well. The ushers damn near had a heart attack when I taunted them by dangling my foot over the grass!
At this point, we realized that there was no realistic chance of us not coming in dead last. We were definitely not about to sprint, walk, or even speed walk to catch up the the next group in front of us. I'd have it no other way.
We eventually made it back to the finish line to what we thought was dead last. But somebody put us all to shame and finished many minutes after us. The results of the race can be found here.
This was my "winning" time:
....and this is me after I crossed the finish line:
All in all, it was a great day. I don't remember anything after about 4 PM, afterall, it's not like we didn't stop drinking just because the race was over!! But the highlight, or lowlight, of the event came during the award presentation ceremony. We had just finished and Daron Sutton was announcing the winners. We were booing for one of the participants so loudly that Sutton actually stopped in his tracks and made us explain why we were boing!!! And this was what came out of my mouth, "He's from Illinois!! FIB's!!!!".